Romance Lacking?

Taken from the book of the month

Romancing Your Husband: Enjoying a Passionate Life Together By Debra White Smith

CLICK ON THE BOOK IMAGE TO PURCHASE.

Is the romance lacking in your marriage? Do you need to breathe life back into it? Then the book of the month is for you!

Prayer is an integral part of the success of any marriage. Debra White Smith in the first chapter entitled “Queen of Romance” recommends the following points for prayer as part of your daily devotions:

 Pray that God will renew and empower your love for your husband

 Pray that God will increase your sexual desire for your husband

 Pray that you will be more interested in meeting your husband’s needs than your own

 Pray that the Lord will give you patience with yourself and your spouse in your journey to spectacular romance

 Ask the Lord to show you creative and exciting ways to romance your husband

When we pray these specific kinds of prayers it greatly improves the atmosphere in our marriage and enables us to do what we need to do to help our husbands feel honored. Take a bold step today and begin in prayer to be the kind of wife to your husband that every man wants – one who places priority where it matters.

This book is a perfect Valentine's day gift to yourself and there's also the partner to it called Romancing Your Wife.

Romancing Your Wife: A Little Effort Can Spice Up Your Marriage By Debra White Smith / Harvest House Publishers

Get them both and watch your marriage blossom as the principles and ideas are implemented.

Be A Great Mama!

Those of us who have children can all testify to the fact we want to be great mothers. We want our children to be polite, well mannered, loving God, obedient etc. We don’t want to mess up our children and scar them for life.

We hear on the television, radio and read in books that the many problems that adults have came from something their parents did or did not do and it makes us scared. Scared to follow our God given instincts, scared to discipline, scared to train, scared to even love for fear of smothering our children.

We’re here to offer you some hope. God gave you those children you have. He did not give them to Mrs./Ms Perfect Mama down the road. (FYI – Shhh… Don’t tell anyone – Mrs./Ms Perfect Mama is looking at you as the perfect mama)

Back to the subject, God did not give your children to anyone else but you. If He felt that you were not good enough for them He would have given them to someone else. Do you hear that? God would have given someone else your children to take care of and train if He thought you were not good enough for them.

So, do yourself a favor mama and cut yourself some slack. God does not expect you to be perfect. Don’t you think He knows you and all your faults? Don’t you think He knows that you are not perfect? Yet still He chose you to be the mother to the children you have.

With that in mind step forward in confidence and let Him do it through you. Within you lies everything your children need to become adults that you will be proud of. Within you lies the strength, the ability, the wisdom, the love, the affection and all that your children need.

If you lack knowledge then seek it first in the word of God and then from reliable sources. Don’t go running to worldly psychologists to give you answers that are contrary to the word of God.

Being A Great Mama is all about being a positive role model and influence in your children’s lives, so that you can have a great relationship and they can grow up to be happy and successful individuals. Whether you have been a mother for a few years or many, be encouraged. Mothers, you are special and gifted by God to do right by your children.

Domestic Diva Tuesday

Homemaking takes up a good portion of our duties as help meets to our husbands. Creating a haven that he can come home to and relax in takes time and effort. Many times we feel ourselves going around in circles trying to keep the house in decent order.

Take a minute and look at your home with another person's eyes. Is the table top full of papers that need to be moved aside for you to eat or write? Do you have plastic bowls in your cupboard that are discolored, broken or unusable? Are you collecting plastic bags for you to reuse but have too much of them? Look in your closet - clothes that don't fit anymore or are outdated and you know you will never wear them again? What about your children's toys - quite a few broken ones that they don't play with anymore? I could go on and on but you get the picture. Your home has clutter. Maybe that's the reason why you feel like you're going in circles and can't seem to keep the house in decent order.

Well, we are here to help you. We've mentioned the FlyLady before and for the month of February she is going to help us with our clutter. Sometimes it can be overwhelming to start. Take babysteps. Our homes did not get cluttered in a day and we can't expect to declutter it in a day with our lives already as busy as they are.

For those of you following the FlyLady system and are receiving her emails, you know that this month's habit is decluttering. FlyLady recommends that we declutter everyday. She suggests 15 minutes daily which can be done all at once or broken down in 5 min increments. Fly through the clutter this month and do it. You can do it! Even though you only end up decluttering every other day it still puts you way ahead of where you were. Just do something.

Here is a link to a little encouragement in your decluttering from the Fly Lady: DECLUTTER Listen and then click on the links below the audio to read some more. Let us bless our husbands by giving him a less cluttered home. It will free up much mental and physical energy for both you and him.

HAPPY DECLUTTERING! You're well on your way to being the help meet that God wants you to be. For more decluttering help CLICK HERE

Pamper Me! Friday

This week's Pamper Mission brought to you from FlyLady.net.

The weather can wreak havoc on our hands. Be sure to protect your hands by using moisturizer and cuticle oil.

Continue pampering your hands by using nail treatments and nail color if you like. Schedule time to paint your nails when you will have plenty of time for them to dry between coats. Have your nail supplies gathered in a basket so that you can paint your nails during your favorite tv show or when on a long phone call.

Soft, well manicured nails are such a treat. You feel wonderful every time you look down at your pretty hands, instead of the embarrassment caused by the sight of your chapped hands with broken nails.

Take time for you! You are so worth it!

Love,
Dana
FlyCrew@FlyLady.net

A Spiritually Fit Help Meet

We hope that you enjoyed the giveaways these past few days. It gave us so much pleasure to share these books with you. We pray that they will continue to reap bountiful blessings in your lives as you put into practice what you read.

Today our topic is centered around our spiritual lives as help meets. We cannot become the help meets that God designed us to be without putting God first in our lives. How can the created thrive without the Creator. How can we know how we are to function as our husband’s help meet without seeking the face of the one who called us into this ministry. Yes it is a ministry. There is no one better suited to minister to your husband than you. If there was someone better suited God would have given your husband that person.

So first of all settle this fact in your mind – Inside of you lies everything necessary to be the help meet that your husband needs. You may not know how to go about it and that’s where a relationship with the One who called you to this ministry comes in. Seek his face daily and diligently and let him minister to your husband through you. If you don’t know how to pray or where to start there are many wonderful resources out there to help you develop a relationship with God. Books, articles, online resources abound. Don’t let lack of knowledge rob you of the most important aspect of being a help meet – being in relationship with God.

Here’s a wonderful resource as you begin or continue your journey of being spiritually fit to be a help meet:

Praying God's Will for Your Life By Stormie Omartian / Thomas Nelson

When we try to do things in our own strength we fail and fail miserably or we experience only a small amount of success. Let the Lord do it through you. His yoke is easy and his burden is light. You can do all things through Christ who strengthens you(Philippians 4:13).

Testimony

Dear Friends,

Every year we have a clean slate on New Year's day! In our book Body
Clutter, Leanne and I told you that you can make any day, your New
Year's day! We just need change on our heart and we can do it!

Eventually the CHAOS takes us down to a point to where we are just
DONE! We don't know what else to do! It is when we are at our bottom
that we reach out for help. This is when we realize that what we have
been doing is not working.

With our perfectionism we think that we have to do everything at once
to gain the peace that we are so desperate for. We don't realize that
each babystep we take will get us to the big picture that we see in
our heads. In our perfectionism we don't see how taking one babystep
of shining our sink could make a difference. This is exactly where I
started!

On January 1st of 1999, a decade ago, I was so tired of living in
CHAOS. I wanted more to life than just feeling guilty about a messy
house! I wanted to live and be surrounded by peace! I wanted a home
that would bless me and my family! I wanted peace! I had no idea that
what I discovered that day would change my life and yours.

I know that you are wondering what my discovery was! It was that
because of my perfectionism I expected change to be immediate and when
it was not, I beat myself up because I was not changing fast enough.
That day I realized that I was mean to myself and that it was not nice
of me to expect too much too fast. I also realized that I had never
established a habit. The process was simple now that I look back at
it! I decluttered two bad habits and added one good habit.

Decluttered --Perfectionism and Being Mean to myself

Added – Shining my Sink!

As I caught myself allowing perfectionism to be the excuse to be mean
to me; I recognized it and turned it around to love me and build
myself up! I don't have to be perfect; I just have to be kind to me!
Then I would go shine my sink. I didn't pile on by trying to do too
many habits at one time. All I had to do was keep my sink clean and
shiny. As one habit was established after a month; I picked another
one. The decluttering process for perfectionism and beating myself up
will never stop for me. That is because I am not perfect! Every day I
recognize my perfectionism and every day I am kind to myself. My
consistency is the key the peace in my life!

Peace can be your too!

FlyLady

Essay from FlyLady about this month's habit

When you first come to FlyLady.net you are shocked to hear what your initial habit is! "Go shine my sink??? How is that going to help me get my whole house in order?"

Right now you are probably feeling a bit overwhelmed and I promise this is going to help you get out of the CHAOS (Can't Have Anyone Over Syndrome) that you have been living in for such a long time. It all starts with that shining sink.

When I set out to get my act together in 1999, I didn't know where to start either. This is why I just picked my sink. I was tired of beating myself up over the way I kept our home looking.

Right then and there I decided I would be nice to me by only requiring that I do one small thing each day. I needed to establish a habit. I had plenty of habits but they were not effective ones for taking care of me or our home. I picked keeping my sink clean and shiny for a whole month. It was just that simple!

What is in that shiny sink anyway? When you walk into you kitchen in morning and you are confronted with yesterday's dirty dishes; you just want to go crawl back into bed and pull the covers over your head. Along with these dishes are hurtful feelings because no one is helping you. Not only do you have to get these out of way to start another meal but you are beating yourself up because you let them go. That nasty water is just a reflection of how you feel when you face a sink full of yesterday's dirty dishes.

The goal is to keep that sink clean and shiny for a month. If we miss a day; we just jump back in and don't beat ourselves up over it.

This is you first step! Don't skip it!

FlyLady

Go look at my Shiny Sink Video.

http://www.flylady.net/pages/jumpcut_video1.asp

Flying with FlyLady

Each month FlyLady helps us focus on a new habit to help us manage our homes well. As the new year begins it is only fitting that she start with this habit which is where she started her journey.

The Habit for January is SHINE YOUR SINK. Yes, you read it right you need to shine your sink. Here is an essay from her website at www.flylady.net:


That Shiny Sink is the Beginning of FLYing!
Dear Friends,

My bathtub is my place of meditation in the mornings. I surround myself with warm water and open my mind and heart to listen. Robert calls them God Breezes. When they come in the middle of the night, we refer to them as the Midnight Editor and when I get them in the tub; they are bathtub epiphanies. This morning the subject was love!

Robert and I have spent the last hour and a half talking about love! Not our love but the love that is in us all. As SHEs all we have ever wanted is to be loved. I can remember a time when all I wanted was to just feel loved. It didn't matter if I was really loved or not just as long as I felt like I was loved. I guess that is just affection. Any way love is not something we can make happen.

I don't care how much you try to make someone love you it is never going to happen. You cannot earn love. Respect maybe, but not love. It is either there or it isn't. This is why I have told you for years that you have to get the house in order for you. You are never going to get your home clean enough to make someone love you more or at all. Even as the house gets cleaner this person is never going to love you if they don't love you with a dirty house. Do you understand this? The house is not the problem with the lack of love. If the love is there all things are possible even a small spark of love is enough. You cannot buy love with gifts either. If you are not loved for you then no gift is ever going to satisfy the need you have to be loved by this person or family member.

Do you remember the first time you walked into your kitchen after you shined your sink? If you have not shined that sink yet then go do it now. You feasted your eyes upon a reflection that made you smile. You didn't know why it made you smile but that feeling emanated from the very core of your being. That feeling was love! I know you don't believe me. When that sink greeted you and you smiled, you felt something that changed you forever. I know it seems so simple and maybe a bit corny but that sink is a reflection of you.

When you take care of the sink; just look what that care does for the way you feel each and every day! This is the beginning of you accepting the love that has been hidden inside of you forever. For years we have pushed that love down deep and had forgotten about it because we were too busy trying to work hard enough to earn that love from others. It is time we uncovered that eternal love and cultivated it so that love can be shared with the world.

Now I am in great big purple puddles. Think about all the songs that have been sung over the years. As a little child in Sunday school we sang the song about hiding our little light under a bushel. Then we would yell NO! I am going to let it shine! That little light is your love and your connection to God and the world. That love has always been there, we have just kept it hidden; especially from ourselves. Some of us have even been told it was wrong to love ourselves. Well to this I say you cannot love anyone else till you love yourself. Love your neighbor as yourself means you have to love yourself to be able to reflect that love to others.

Did you know that when you are loving yourself that you attack love back to you. You become a love magnet. Not only are you reflecting that love to others but that love is coming back to you and the best part is that it is multiplied! And it all starts with you! Have you shined that sink yet? This is your first uncovering of that love that has been hiding underneath all the self-loathing and pain you have suffered your whole life.

All we have ever wanted was to feel loved! We can do this for ourselves without having to depend on anyone else for what we need. We deserve to be happy! This little ray of hope, happiness, peace and love has always been inside of you! We all remember the Wizard of Oz and the good witch telling Dorothy that she had the power to go home; that it was always inside of her. This is how I feel about FLYing! Your love is just waiting for you to open up the doors and windows then let the sun shine from within you to light up the world!

Love makes the world go round, it is the energy that keeps us moving when all is lost. Love is always with us, we just have to start with babysteps to rekindle the love that we have locked away. Start now. Go shine that sink of yours, get dressed to shoes and do something sweet for you. If you don't take care of you; who will?

Are you ready to FLY?

FlyLady

My Friend, the Queen Part Two

Taken from the Book of the Month - Created to be his Help Meet

Dignity Befitting a Queen

My friend responded to her husband with dignity befitting a queen. He was proud of her beauty. He was proud of her dignity and poise. He was honored that such a woman would treat him with such reverence.

A man will resist with all his might those who come against him. Most women spend their whole married lives in conflict with their husands, trying to change them. It is a battle of the wills that no woman has ever rightly won, for even if she gets his compliance, she loses his heart, and he loses his self-respect.

While we women tend to reduce everthing to the issues of "who is right and what is just," God authoritatively points us to the real issue-"Whom did I place in charge, and whom did I create to be a help meet?" When a woman resists or tries to change a man, she makes him more stubborn, and her own heart will be filled with bitterness. If a woman obeys God, a man does not have anything to come against, to resist, to dominate, to conquer, or to beat down. A woman's greatest power is in obeying God through obeying and honoring her husband. When she departs from God's order, she is setting herself up to create a life of turmoil, bitterness, and defeat-for both of them.

I have received many letter from women saying, "By the way you write, you would think all men are like your husband." No, and my husband wasn't always like he is now. He is now a work of art, and I don't mean his body. God has changed him over the years, and if some of you were married to him, even now, you would be writing me letters asking for advice on how to find the grace to endure. I have come to like the bear in him-sometimes teddy bear and sometimes real bear, but he is always my bear!

I have seen women come through some rough times to arrive at a heavenly marriage. They did not start out with a righteous man, but God is a master at making heavenly marriages. I know one young woman who had a husband so violent, vile, and unrepentant that she asked the church to pray, "Lord save him or kill him as soon as possible." In two weeks he was dead. I don't recommend that kind of prayer meeting, for if God killed all the husbands who deserved to die, we ladies would be fighting over the few who remained. Furthermore, if God decided to be fair and took to killing all the ladies who deserve it, well...you can see we would be better off pleading for grace and mercy for our husbands.

Taken from the book of the month - Created to Be His Help Meet.

In Dominica the book can be purchased at the CLC bookstore in Roseau. For all others you can use this link:

Created to Be His Help Meet: Discover How God Can Make Your Marriage Glorious By Debi Pearl / No Greater Joy Ministries

Priorities

Laine's Letter

Dear Sisters,
I remember one of the first verses that hit me pretty hard in the Bible. It hit me pretty hard because I recognized my God-given priorities, and I wasn't doing them in the right order. I had my children and friends and family members way above my husband. How do I know? Well, that was where I was spending most of my time and where most of my thoughts were centered. I started praying that I would live 1 Timothy 5:9-1; and that if I should ever be left totally alone, my church would recognize that I was a woman who had lived up to this verse.

"No widow may be put on the list of widows unless she is over sixty, has been faithful to her husband, and is well known for her good deeds, such as: bringing up children, showing hospitality, washing the feet of the saints, helping those in trouble, and devoting herself to all kinds of good deeds." 1 Timothy 5:9-10

When I started aligning my early mornings with the LORD, I found that the rest of my day began to follow this verse more and more, for I sought to practice His will in my life. The first one who is mentioned in the verse is the woman's husband. She must be faithful to him first and foremost on this earth. When I do him good, I do Him good. Faithfulness holds a lot of love in its hands. So many of my actions (as seen in the Proverbs 31 passage) will encircle my husband in love.

"Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land." Proverbs 31:23

As I mentioned in a previous letter, I use to think that this verse was somewhat out of place in this passage. There her husband shows up all of a sudden in the midst of all this woman's work. But after reading this passage for the umpteenth time, I realized that the respect this man was given was greatly aided by his wife's hard work. Not a whole lot of talk going on by her (only one verse mentions her speaking in wisdom and instruction, while the rest of the verses show her movements); especially from house to house; but a whole lot of action going on in her own house. Her work glorified her husband. As he was glorified, so was her LORD. Which made 1 Peter 3:1-2 make all the more sense.

"Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that if any of them do not believe The Word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives."

The non-verbal work going on here is one of submissive action. Action done in respect by a wife to help her husband be all that God has called him to be. These verses and the Proverbs 31 passage have changed my mind incredibly and have had a profound effect on my homemaking practice. It is a much higher calling than I could ever realize. And one often done in considerable silence and self-sacrifice. Just the kind of life that my LORD led on this earth, laying down His life that The Father might be glorified. I, too, lay down my life that another might be glorified. My LORD lived for thirty years in relative silence as a carpenter's son. He called no attention to Himself, as the Father willed, for most of that thirty years. He also worked silently and sacrificially in a home. This, to me, is the essence of submission: a choosing of self-sacrifice and self-discipline for the good and glory of another, according to the Word of God. The ultimate goal of this submission is glory to God.

In so doing, I find greater fulfillment than I would have ever imagined. For as my husband grows stronger in my self-sacrificial love and respectful work, my sons and my daughter also grow stronger. And I realize once again that God is right. God is always right.

Have I totally achieved it like the Proverbs 31 woman? Not by a long shot. But I am still a ways away from being 60, and my husband is a ways away from being an elder; up a child if he is trainable. So each child is trainable. Even in his second home: the church. Some are a little more difficult to train than others, but they are trainable if the parents are "clutching their LORD's Hand" each step of the way. For I am quite sure there were many children present when the LORD Jesus spoke to the crowds, when Peter spoke, when Paul spoke, and now here in our own churches. Leaders raising leaders. I am absolutely in awe of His Ways. Bless His Holy, Holy Name!

Love,
Laine

www.lainesletters.com

Pleasing Your Husband: Part 2

Laine's Letter

Dear Ronda,
So excited to hear about your opportunity to teach young marrieds! I have always thought what you wrote; wouldn't it be wonderful to learn from a woman who has been married a while! May you have opportunities to share with many teachable women.

Yes, my cramps are due to my menstrual cycle, and I have them quite frequently during the month. But don't worry, I like to sit and work. And writing to you never feels like work for me. Just sharing from one homemaker to another homemaker. Such sweet pleasure...

In my last letter, I spoke about pleasing your husband. I mostly spoke about food. However, I have found something that pleases my husband more than that...and that something is sex. I am sure you are smiling now. As I have found with most husbands, this is definitely the case.

However, as women have children, the desire for sex seems to wane and can become more of a chore than a pleasure. The common complaint is most women are tired. Within reason! We put in a very full day. The frustrating part is we can't really remember what we did at the end of the day to make us feel so tired! I have found that raising children all day can drain a mother faster than any other job. In order for a woman to experience the pleasure of sex with her husband as God intended (just read Song of Solomon), the woman needs to take care of herself during the day.

How does a young mother with toddlers all around her feet, or home schooled children home all day, do this? That is why I implemented "quiet time" in my home when my children were very young. This was something I taught them to do so that I could get some much needed rest. Often after napping when they napped (this is when they were very young), I felt rejuvenated by the time my husband came home. I also implemented "tea time" toward the end of their quiet time Sitting by myself and having a cup of tea (in a pretty tea cup and saucer with my porcelain tea pot) refreshed me for my husband's arrival and the second part of my day.

After I have served dinner, my husband and I have usually had time alone in the tub. (I know I'm getting private here. But some women just don't know how to squeeze time in their day for intimacy with their husband. And a woman works on emotions and must feel emotionally close to her husband through conversation to get to the sexual part.) Now that our kids are older, we take a bath while they do the dishes. Yes, they still knock on the door and bother us. But they are used to this and can usually keep themselves busy for a little while. (When we had a baby, we would go in when the baby was asleep or take the baby in with us. Each of our children bathed with us when they were infants.) If someone calls, my children know not to say that we are in the tub! This happened once. They tell them we are busy and will call back later. We really relax and unwind together talking and laughing. This has become such a sweet ritual that my husband and I bought an antique claw foot tub at a garage sale to refinish and remodel our bathroom with. We keep talking about how great it will be once we have the money to start the remodeling as the tub is so deep. The Japanese people realize how important a good long hot soak is in the tub and have furnished their bathrooms for this pleasure.

Now by this time I have had my tea and now a good, long, soak in the tub and quiet conversation with my husband. It sets the tone for the evening. Our bedroom is furnished in such a way that it symbolizes romance when you walk in the door. I find it to be one of the most calming rooms in my home. We have a ceiling fan for those hot, summer California nights. And we have plenty of those nights. I have a lot of sweet smelling lotions as I have a difficult back, so my husband will often give me a back rub or a leg rub with one of these lotions. Again, we talk a lot about our day and our kids while soft music plays. Our lighting is very soft as well. Many times our kids are in our room while we are talking. They like to rub lotion on themselves or on my legs. I usually wear soft cotton pyjamas that are a pair of shorts combined with a cropped short sleeved top. I always go for the softest ones I can find. I can wear these around the kids without feeling uncomfortable. Our bedroom is the gathering place in the evening. We all read together in there in the winter months. And in the summer months we all jump in the pool to cool off before we go to bed.

I have learned that in our society, it is very difficult for a man to keep his eyes pure. I pray often for my husband that God will keep his eyes pure and help him to resist temptation. I pray as I make my bed that our marriage will be kept pure and held in honor. It is important that I recognize these dangers and help keep him pure. I must recognize what God says: that his body is mine and my body is his. Very often he needs my body more than I need his! We joke about this and recognize it as truth. But I want him to be all that God wants him to be as a husband, father, employee, friend, and son. A married man's bedroom is the heart of the home for him. The kitchen is the heart of the home for the married woman. I tell Art that love starts in the kitchen. He meets me in the kitchen talking and laughing; so I do my best to meet him in our bedroom. I have been sick frequently lately, but because he knows I want to be there for him and can't sometimes, he is very understanding. Had I not tried to be there for him, I do not know that he would have been as understanding.

Sometimes even with the best laid plans, I simply do not feel like it! As you might have guessed, he never has this problem. :) So, that is when I call on the LORD for His help. He gave us sex; He knows how it works perfectly; and I trust Him to help me meet my husband's needs and to enjoy it myself. Even when I'm beat. He is always faithful. Very often that is just what we need to get a really good night's sleep. Billy Graham said on a television interview once that "Sex was better because he loved the LORD Jesus." Then he felt bad that he had said that and hoped he wasn't out of line. He was absolutely right! Sex is better when you love Jesus Christ and enjoy it with your husband according to His Word. Some of the best lines to learn about it are penned in the Song of Solomon. As always, God had a wonderful master plan when He created sex for the pleasure of a husband and wife. I have learned to lean into that plan...

Love,
Laine

P.S. Kind of nervous mailing this one, Ronda, but this is the big problem in marriages with finances following soon after.

www.lainesletters.com

My Friend, the Queen

Taken from the book of the Month - Created to be His Help Meet.

When I was a young wife, my best friend had an unsaved husband. She always reminded me of a queen. She has a certain presence about her, in addition to her beauty, poise, and intelligence. She was a pastor's daughter, raised very religiously and with high standards. But when she was seventeen, she crossed paths with a young man of charm, the first guy to ever show interest in her. She "fell in love" at first sight, and they ran away and married. She soon learned that her husband was hardworking, when he worked. But, he had several bad habits which included use of tobacco in various forms, cursing, screaming at her when he was mad, and pornography. By the time I met her, she had come to repentance and was trying to make a go of this unequal marriage. Through God's grace and her growing fear of the Lord, she was able to live out the "love" chapter of 1 Corinthians 13:1.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (KJV) ⁴ Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, ⁵ Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; ⁶ Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; ⁷ Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.

When he was rude or insensitive, she did not get puffed up with righteous indignation. When he was mean and cussed at her, she was kind and suffered long. She bore with his sloppiness and believed he would bring home the paycheck instead of spending it on the way home. Most of the time, she was able to endure all things with cheer and thanksgiving.

When she came to me for advice, I hid my sick feelings and told her what the Bible said, (not what I felt) which was, "To honor God, you must honor your husband". Every day I felt as though I were watching a heavenly battle, and God was winning. Other than his use of pornography, the vice that repelled her the most was his physical uncleanness. He often required "things" of her that were repulsive because he had not bathed. I felt truly ill when I thought of her in this situation. Yet she submitted and responded to him. Of course, she would tell him how happy she would be and how happy he would be, if he would bathe. She believed 1 Peter 3:1-2,

Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; ² While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.

It wasn't going to church or having a quiet time with God each day that won him. She won him by responding to him with honor and affection. It never occurred to her to shame him or impress him with her "religion", which was not real. And she did not honor her husband because she was raised to honor him. It was a day-to-day miracle for her. Witnessing her experience built faith in me like nothing ever had before. I had seen thousands of people saved during the "Jesus movement" of the sixties. I had seen devils cast out, and I had watched people healed of terrible diseases, but to see an eighteen-year-old pregnant girl walk before God in pure obedience to Him was truly a miracle of miracles.

Her husband worked all night at a factory. All his fellow workers were drunks and whoremongers. One early morning near closing time, some of the men started complaining about their wives, telling each other how lazy, no account, dishonest, disloyal, cheap, sorry, fat, and ugly their wives were. My friend's husband, Jim, said nothing. Finally, one of the men asked Jim about his wife. It was the first time he had ever really thought about his wife in comparison to the other men's wives, and he was suddenly deeply thankful, "Oh, I am not going to tell you about my wife, because it would make you all mad." The men insisted, so he told them, "She's beautiful, with long pretty hair. She is always so sweet; she will do anything for me. She thinks I am one hot-dog." They all were highly irritated and thought he must be telling a big lie. He told them, "When I go home this morning, she will be prettied-up and cooking my breakfast, and, she will meet me at the door with a very sexy kiss." Since all the men had already given descriptions of their wives sleeping in and never fixing their breakfast, they simply would not believe Jim. After a heated conversation with a great deal of cursing and swearing, Jim boasted, "I bet I could take all you guys home for breakfast and she would cheerfully fix you the best breakfast you ever ate - and all with a smile." "No way," they said. After more bragging, he ended up taking five of them home with him that morning, without calling to warn his wife.

Now, his unsuspecting young wife at home knew nothing of their argumentative conversation and had no idea that her husband's integrity was at stake. The Bible says,

A virtuous woman is a crown to her husband: but she that maketh ashamed is as rottenness in his bones. (Proverbs 12:4)

This young woman was about to become either a crown to her husband or rottenness. Unworthy though he was, he knew and trusted her. She had earned his trust.

The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. (Proverbs 31:11)

(Trustworthy: dependable, worthy of confidence, reliable, honest, deserving)

She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life. (Proverbs 31:12)

Constant in her love, unshaken, unmoved, faithful, ceaseless, enduring, unchanging, loyal, permanent)



At 6:30 that morning, she met him at the door with a radiant face of love, her hair freshly brushed, and a pretty dress on. But instead of one smelly tobacco-chewing man, there were six-five of them looking rather embarrassed and apprehensive. Although surprised, she responded with delight, "Oh, sweetheart, I see you brought your friends home." In front of these men, this statement in itself was a great victory and an honor to Jim. He ushered his co-workers into his home and in a gruff manner said to his wife, "Fix breakfast for my friends." This was asking a lot, since those men would eat all the food she had bought for the next week's breakfasts. Jim made a poor-man's wage, and he was not careful with his money. What was left was hers to make do. She went into the kitchen and prayed quietly, "Lord, you know I have to feed six men this morning. Please help me." She cooked all the bacon, every egg, fried all the potatoes, and baked a huge pan of biscuits, plus, she made "country milk gravy." Her whole week's worth of breakfast supplies she graciously served on a snowy white tablecloth. The dirty men sat in strained, embarrassed silence as she served them. It was Jim's crowning moment. All the men knew instinctively that nothing between them would ever be the same. Jim's wife did treat him with honor. He was different from them. The men ate, then got up and filed out. They must have noted that Jim never thanked his smiling wife.

He would never again be just one of the guys. They would always feel he was just a little smarter; he wasn't the jerk they thought him to be. The next night at work, the men were still subdued. She had honored him when it meant the most-in front of the guys. She honored him because she believed God and chose to obey God by honoring a man who did not deserve her honor. She put down her feelings of revulsion, hurt, and of being used, and put on a chaste conversation. She was a crown to her husband.

Can you see how her chaste conversation would win her husband-any husband? Gradually, over the years, he came to treat her with respect. Her queenly manner made him see himself in a different light. The other guys were married to a bunch of dirty, clamorous, partying, base women, but his wife had class. He came to think of Christians as a more worthy class of people-kind, longsuffering, loving, respectful, giving, honest, and frugal. What a testimony she had to the world! The rough and repulsive things fell away one by one, changing to loving kindness, not because she demanded it, but because she won him to herself by her chaste conversation. Even as an unsaved man, he came to honor her because she was so gracious. When he looked into her eyes, he saw a man better than what he knew himself to be. Love made him want to be worthy of her belief in him. The moral of this story is that 1 Peter 3 is true. By treating her husband like a king, she became a queen whom God used to win him to Jesus Christ. The "goodness of God leads you to repentance"; so does the goodness of a good wife.

Years later, he finally came to true repentance and made Jesus the Lord of his life. When we went back to visit them recently, their children were all grown, and he was praising the Lord and rejoicing in God's goodness to his family.

Come back for Part Two of this excerpt next Wednesday God willing.


In Dominica the book can be purchased at the CLC bookstore in Roseau. For all others you can use this link:

Created to Be His Help Meet: Discover How God Can Make Your Marriage Glorious By Debi Pearl / No Greater Joy Ministries

Pleasing Your Husband: Part 1

Laine's Letter

Dear Ronda,
I love to see my husband content. I find that a woman has a powerful influence in the home which results in her family members being just that...content. It is absolutely impossible to do this without the wisdom of God. A woman needs to ask God for this wisdom as each husband and each family member is so different. I will be sharing from my experience which might be different from yours.

My husband is Mexican and grew up in a home that had a lot of problems. Many times he would stay outside until his father had gone to bed to avoid dealing with his anger from alcoholism. His older brother was heavily involved in drugs and brought frequent ugly scenes into the home as well. His mother was a traditional stay-home mom who tried to keep the peace as best she knew how. At the age of sixteen, my husband (along with his mother) gave their lives to Christ with the help of a local pastor in their living room. His daily life hadn't changed, but his inner spirit had!

When I first married my husband I knew that his mother had waited on him and was there for his every need and wish (which is typical of a Mexican mom). I was raised quite differently. So I had to learn to adjust to my husband wanting me to be there for him every time he was home. Many of my friends teased me about always having to be home when my husband came home from work. Or always having his meal ready as I knew he would be hungry after working construction all day. Or having to ask him if I could go to the mall with them or some other function. Or not remaining on the phone when he was home as I knew he wanted to spend time with me. Many of my friends told me to stand up for myself and not let him "rule me" like this.

I never followed their advice as I really had respect for my husband and liked to do things for him. I liked to see him content. I asked his mother for help on cooking some of his favorite meals and was an eager student. It took me months to figure out the refried beans as I didn't know adding salt while the beans were gently simmering toughened them. Many times I wanted to give up, but as I would master a recipe from my mother-in-law that my husband loved, I felt closer to her and pleased to have him say it was just like hers. As my kids grew up they would get so excited to find out I was making Grandma's enchiladas that day, or her chile rellenos. The bond between my mother-in-law and me grew as I tried to please her son with her delicious recipes. My husband felt so special that I would adapt my cooking to his personal favorites. And my kids reaped the benefits of homemade enchiladas, chile rellenos, refried beans, tortillas, spanish rice, fajitas, puerco con chile, tacos, tostadas, burritos, chorizo, nachos, green or red salsa, salsa fresca, and taquitos.

Mealtimes became very special at our place. I couldn't cook a bit when I first got married, but with the help of my mother-in-law I was building up my kitchen. My own mom always made great pies and because of watching her roll out pie crust so often, I learned to make pies using my her mother's recipe. My kids love it when I make a pie, and that is from the influence of their grandmother building up my kitchen.

I still try to be home every day when my husband comes home from work with my meal ready or on its way to soon being ready. I still will tell a friend if I'm on the phone when I hear our volkswagen pull up in the driveway, "Oh, I have to go; Art is home." I still always ask him first if he minds when I do some special outing with a friend. (He usually tells me to go ahead.) The neat thing is that I have found he will do the same thing for me.

I have learned to pace myself in doing things with other women, as I know him so well, and I know he can only take me away from our home so much at one time. So if I have been asked to do several things in a row, I will have to let some of them go as I know he will get frustrated with me gone a lot. I also will not plan a lot of home school functions that prevent me from getting home before him and having his meal ready. I know he doesn't like to come home if I am not here. So I try to be here. Recently I was asked to speak next year to our home schooling moms on the subject "How to Please Your Husband During Home Schooling". My husband laughed when I told him the subject and said that was easy as he is so easy to please. (Everyone, including my mom, cracked up over that one. Even Art laughed as he knows he is strong-willed and can be difficult at times. He has changed so much over the years, as I have.) I explained to Art that many of these husbands were coming home to an empty house and no dinner; or a woman who is wiped out with still no dinner. He just smiled and said, "Well, I don't have that problem." I didn't say anything. Just smiled. I knew he didn't have that problem because I learned early on who my man is and have tried my best to keep him content. In the process of doing that (not living for myself, but for those God has given me to love), I have found my own contentment. And our home is a place my husband longs to get to at the end of the day, rather than waiting outside to steal into bed.

Love,
Laine

www.lainesletters.com

Loving the Unloveable

Laine's Letter

Dear Homemakers of God,
"Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the Word of God." Titus 2:3-5

We have been talking about loving our husbands. What about when your husband is not loveable? How does one go about loving him? I, like many other wives, have had to deal with that. I have found over the years that as I have asked the LORD to let me have His eyes to see my husband, then I saw him with much more love than I had before. For many, many times that man of mine has upset me like no other. Years ago I use to refer to him as " a woodpecker" pecking the back of my head to death. He always seemed so very hard to please. And I was definitely not respectful in my frustration. I don't think of him like that anymore. What happened?

Well, as I prayed for my man to change, guess who changed? Yes, the LORD changed me first. Now I know that is not a new story to you, but it is a common way the LORD deals with us. Why? I think the LORD knows every day there are going to be trials producing His Patience in our lives; so the trials are not what He's going to stop. They are producing "gold" for Him. What He's going to work out in us is the way we respond to those trials. And for me, my husband could produce major trials in my life. He just seemed to expect more than I could give. My response was anything but peace.

However, as I began to spend time with the LORD every morning absorbing His Word, I started to notice a change in my attitude toward Art. I started to notice that the things that use to "set me off" were now making me laugh. He didn't know how to take it at first and would just look at me with a lop-sided grin. Pretty soon he was laughing along with me. For I was able to show him through my own peace and joy that many of the things he was upset about were really quite small. And if he did get excited about something, I would tell him this must be a "passionate" subject for him. I stopped being mad at him and learned to be passionate with him. Smile.

And where I wouldn't apologize before, if I felt I was right on a certain subject, I now went to him and told him I was sorry. Even if I didn't think he was right. For I realized the peace between us was more important than the issue of who was right or wrong. Usually, a few days later, I would be able to get my point across in a much more peaceful manner and often have him agree with me. I will never forget the day he expressed shock at my coming to him for forgiveness. He said he'd never would have believed it. Pride was something I needed to lay at the foot of the cross along with my reputation for always being right.

I learned that talking to my husband was really an art. Many might say, "An art? What are you talking about?" Well, there is timing in everything. And when I was first married I would blurt out the first thing that came into my head in the heat of the moment. Many times that set off an argument. Or I would be sure I got my point across, no matter what. I learned that I needed to hold my words back (I call it "swallowing them whole") and explain myself more clearly at another time or in another way after much prayer. Let me give you an example: My husband was just telling me last weekend that he thought it would be a good thing for our teenager to sit with his friends in church. I told him that I didn't think so as we are together as a family which I like and he can sit with his friends in Sunday school. I began citing all my reasons: they might not pay attention, pass notes, fool around, etc. Art told me that it was time for him to sit with his friends and that he had made the decision. So I dropped it. With Art. Not with the LORD.

When you don't agree with your husband, take it up with his Head: the LORD. Many times I have asked the LORD to talk to him or to intervene and have watched the LORD do what I could not. Sometimes the LORD allowed my husband to do what I didn't think was best, and I could rest in the LORD's decision through him. This particular incident changed this morning when my husband told me that the kids on Wednesday night fool around too much and don't listen to the speaker. I told Art that is why I would like Quincy to sit with us in church as we know where he is and are assured he is listening and taking notes, and we can be together as a family. He nodded in agreement. The LORD worked out what I could not. Such peace resting in the LORD Jesus Christ.

Love,
Laine

www.lainesletters.com

Who Is Your Man? Part 3

Taken from the Book Of The Month - Created To Be His Help Meet.

Mr. Steady

God is as steady as an eternal rock, caring, providing, and faithful, like a priest like Jesus Christ. He created many men in that image. We will call him Mr. Steady — “in the middle, not given to extremes.” The Steady Man does not make snap decisions or spend his last dime on a new idea, and he doesn’t try to tell other people what to do. He avoids controversy.

Being married to a Steady Man has its rewards and its trials. On the good side, your husband never puts undue pressure on you to perform miracles. He doesn’t expect you to be his servant. You do not spend your days putting out emotional fires, because he doesn’t create tension in the family. You rarely feel hurried, pushed, pressured, or forced. The women married to Visionary Men look at you in wonder that your husband seems so balanced and stable. The wife of Command Man marvels at the free time you seem to have. If your dad happened to be a Steady Man, then chances are you will appreciate your husband’s down-to-earth, practical life for the wonderful treasure it is.

When you are married to a man who is steady and cautious, and you have a bit of the impatient romantic in you, you may not see his worth and readily honor him. You may be discontent because he is slow and cautious to take authority or make quick decisions. A bossy woman sees her husband’s lack of hasty judgment and calls her Steady husband “wishy-washy.” His steadiness makes him the last to change, so he seems to be a follower because he is seldom out front forming up the troops. There is no exciting rush in him, just a slow, steady climb with no bells or whistles. You wish he would just make up his mind, and that he would take a stand in the church. He seems to just let people use him. There are times you wish he would boldly tell you what to do so you would not have to carry all the burden of decision-making.

Some women equate their husband’s wise caution and lack of open passion as being unspiritual. His lack of spontaneity and open boldness may look like indifference to spiritual things. However, he is like deep, deep water. The very depth makes the movement almost imperceptible, but it is, nevertheless, very strong.

He will be confused with your unhappiness and try to serve you more, which may further diminish your respect for his masculinity. Disappointment and unthankfulness can make you wearier than any amount of duties. His very steadiness keeps him on his middle-of-the-road course, and it will drive a controlling woman crazy.

This is why many disgruntled ladies married to Mr. Steadys fall victim to hormonal imbalance, physical illness, or emotional problems.

Know Your Man

Wives are very much flesh and blood, and as young women, we don’t come to marriage with all the skills needed to make it start out good, let alone perfect. When you come to know your man for whom God created him to be, you will stop trying to change him into what you think he should be. The key is to know your man. If he is Mr. Steady, you need to learn to be thankful and to honor him as the one created for you in the image of God. Your husband’s gentleness is not a weakness; it is his strength. Your husband’s hesitation is not indecision; it is cautious wisdom. Your husband’s lack of deep spiritual conversation is not a lack of caring; it is simply the cap on a mountain of intense emotions.

If this describes your man, you need to learn how to stand still and listen; then let God move your husband in his own good time. Ask God for wisdom and patience. Seek to always have a gentle spirit. Stop expecting him to perform for you, to pray with the family, to speak out in witnessing, or to take a bold stand at church. Stop trying to stir him up to anger toward the children in order to get him to feel as though he understands how badly you are being treated. Let him be the one God made him to be: a still, quiet, thoughtful presence — for you!

A Steady Man likes a woman to walk beside him, yet grow in her own right before God and him.

He needs a resourceful, hardworking woman with dignity and honor. It is important to Mr. Steady that his wife is able to be self-sufficient in all the mundane tasks of daily living.

These men can be some of the most important men in the church, because their steadfastness is sure, and their loyalty is strong. They make wise, well-thought-out decisions.

Typically, Steady Men do not become as well known as Command or Visionary Men. They are not odd or stand-out men. They are not loud. They are neither irritating nor particularly magnificent. Women and men alike envy and desire a Command Man. People are often drawn and compelled by the Visionary. But the Steady Man is taken for granted

Much of this book has been written to help young wives learn to honor, obey, and appreciate the Steady Man just as he is.

Mr. Steady will enjoy the company of others and be most comfortable spending time in small talk with whoever is around. Of the three types, he is the one that will be most liked by everyone. Mr. Steady is always in demand. He belongs to people. He does not focus on the eternal picture like Mr. Command, nor is he looking through a microscope as Mr. Viosnary, but he does respect both views as important. His vision is as a man seeing life just as it is. He can shift his sights to the sky and know there is more up there than he can see, and he wonders about it. Or, he can stare into a muddy pond and appreciate that there is a whole world in there that he knows nothing about. In most of life, he is a bridge between the other two types of men. He is a very necessary expression of God’s image. Of the three different kinds of men, it is more important that Mr. Steady have a help meet who likes him just as he is.

In Dominica the book can be purchased at the CLC bookstore in Roseau. For all others you can use this link:

Created to Be His Help Meet: Discover How God Can Make Your Marriage Glorious By Debi Pearl / No Greater Joy Ministries

Loving Your Husband: Titus 2:3-5 - Part 3

Laine's Letter

Dear Beautiful Homemakers,

"Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the Word of God." Titus 2:3-5

Yesterday we talked about loving our husbands. I spoke first of what speaks love to our husbands, which is physical love. A man is very physical. Very physical. Smile. While I was writing this my husband just came in and kissed me. I thought that was a prime example of what I am talking about! I stopped typing, told him how good looking he was, and kissed him back. He went off smiling about cutting some wood.

Was I always so loving to my husband? No, I am sorry to say, I wasn't. I have heard a lot of women say that God made a mistake when He made a man so physically hungry and the woman (especially after she's had children) much more easily satisfied with just a hug. But as I have thought and meditated on this in conjunction with God's Word in 1 Corinthians 7:4, I realized that God never, never makes a mistake. His creations are perfect. And marital love ordained by God is perfect. I was just not walking in His Will. I found that I had to obey my LORD before the physical feelings were even there. Many times I would call on Him to help me love my husband as he so longed to be loved. The LORD answered each and every time.

And as I practiced physically loving my husband, the LORD showed me the way and opened up my heart to love him even more than when we were first married. One way was to read Song of Solomon often. For this is marital love as God ordained it. And the Word of God is sharper than any two edged sword. It pierced through to me and helped me to understand more deeply just what physically loving my husband meant and why God ordained it. For God knew a woman would be tired after a long day of taking care of children or getting up to nurse a child in the middle of the night. Yet He says her body is not her own, but belongs to her husband. And vice versa. So I learned what physical love meant to my husband. It would help him to stay pure in an impure society. It would help him to feel loved as no other could do for him. It would help him to do better in his job, as a tension reliever, so to speak. It would help us stay close as a husband and wife. And in the process it would ultimately be good for me as well. How did I prepare myself to obey God's Word?

One way was to have loving my husband on my mind. To expect to love my husband that evening or that morning. For as I added children and duties each year of my marriage, I found my husband's needs were not high on my priority anymore. In other words, my priorities were quickly getting out of order. My marriage was not at peace. And I was in stress most of the time. The LORD in His Good Word "rearranged me" and got me back on His Track., (1 Corinthians 11:3). There is nothing like abiding in the Word of God, and I will remind you of that frequently.

So I began to obey. It was not easy. Obedience is not always easy, is it? Especially when we feel everyone needs something from us. That is why I had to learn to lean on the LORD's strength. I had to learn to abide in The Word daily. For the joys of obedience far outweigh the stress of disobedience. And slowly I saw my marriage begin to flourish back to where it was during our honeymoon year. Recently I began to have female problems. My husband was very understanding as I had been doing my best to meet him in his needs. Years ago, I do not believe this would have been true. We would have just had more arguing going on.

In Song of Solomon I learned to praise my husband. To point out to him frequently his positive traits. Now I was not good at this, and it felt awkward at first, but the more I practiced, the better I got at it! And I watched my husband flourish from my praise. Where I had been critical before, I now praised. Who do you think reaped the benefits? God does not call us "one" for nothing. The good that I did for my husband came back twofold on me.

For the LORD made the man, who is physically hungry, to restrain himself some unselfishly for his wife; and the woman, who is not as physically hungry, to give some unselfishly for her husband. They meet in a balance of marital love. Godly marriages are meant to slowly squash selfishness until it no longer exists.

Now this is the ideal. Of course, life is not always this way. But I love to know God's ideal which shows me what to strive for as this world teaches just the opposite. Abiding in The Word is abiding in The Truth. When you have The Truth coursing through your veins, you do not look at anything the same anymore. It is as though blinders were dropped from your eyes and you can finally see. His Spirit takes The Truth and walks It through your obedience in a life bent on His Glory.

Love,
Laine

www.lainesletters.com

Loving Your Husband: Titus 2:3-5 - Part 2

Laine's Letter

Dear Chosen Women of God,
"Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the Word of God." Titus 2:3-5

We are back today in the beautiful verse we just touched on yesterday. I tried to explain a little yesterday my part as the older woman which is spoken of in the first part of the verse. An older woman, at the time of this writing, was a Christian woman 30 years or older. I qualify! As an older woman I must continue to be "teachable" that I may have anything to teach to other women. My "teachability" will help me to be reverent. (Every person that is in front of me is more important than myself and is there for me to serve). Not slanderous. (If I spend time in The Word then I will be trustworthy with others' words and not use those words for my advantage to make myself look good at their expense.) Not addicted to anything or anyone. (Except Jesus Christ my LORD.) Then I can "give a thirst for" or "train" the younger women to love their husbands.

And that is what I want to talk to you about today: loving your husband, as it is mentioned first in the list of training. How does one do that? First and foremost, love the LORD your God with all you heart, soul, mind, and strength. For out of this command flows the next: love others as you love yourself. And that other that you are going to love first and foremost in your life is going to be your husband. He is your Head, (1 Corinthians 11:3). You are His Crown, (Proverbs 12:4). And when you love that man God gave you, you love the LORD and give Him Glory.

If you will notice in the Proverbs 31 passage in verse 23, her husband is sitting right in the middle of all her work. In Proverbs 31:11 it says that her husband has full confidence in her and that he lacks nothing of value. Now she did not win his confidence over night. And he is not sitting in the middle of her work overnight. It took time for her to learn how to do this. She is teachable! This woman we see here is an older woman. She is still in the child raising stage, but she is not just starting out; and that is why we can learn so much from her. She is accessible to our lives. She is the perfect model. She is God's Chosen Homemaker. The foundation of her life is her fear of God (vs. 30) which is reverence. For when you revere God, you will revere your husband and treat him as you should. By spending time with the LORD we learn how to do good for our husband. Out of doing good for our husband, the good for our children will follow. (We will discuss this in the future.)

Now how do we do good for our husband? What first and foremost speaks love to our husband? Are you smiling? Physical touch speaks volumes to our husbands. And I have learned that the more I fall in love with Jesus, the more I love my husband physically as he so loves to be loved, (1 Corinthians 7:4). I remember Billy Graham saying on television once that sex was better if you were in love with the LORD. He is absolutely right. Before I started to fall in love with the LORD, my husband and I fought quite a bit over this subject. ( I know this is a subject along with money that many couples often fight over.) But when you get your life aligned with God, and He is the most important One in your life (more important than yourself or your children), then your husband will be in his right position. And you will begin to love him as God meant for you to love him all your married life. I cannot begin to tell you the transformation that takes place once Jesus Christ has full control of a woman. The transformation spills over, flowing out and touching more lives than just one. And her husband is one very, very satisfied and thankful man who can say:

"Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all!"

This man is an elder in the gates because of her "wind beneath his wings". You can't see the wind, but the one who is flying knows full well it's there.

We will continue again how we can love our husbands. As always, it has been so nice sharing with you.

Love,
Laine

www.lainesletters.com

Who Is Your Man? Part 2

Taken from the Book Of The Month - Created To Be His Help Meet.

Mr. Visionary

God is a Visionary as seen in his person, the Holy Spirit. He made some men in the image of that part of his nature. Prophets, be they true or false, are usually of this type. Some of you are married to men who are shakers, changers, and dreamers. These men get the entire family upset about peripheral issues, such as: do we believe in Christmas? Should we use state marriage licenses? Should a Christian opt out of the Social Security system? The issues may be serious and worthy of one’s commitment, but , in varying degrees, these men have tunnel vision, tenaciously focusing on single issues. They are often the church splitters and the ones who demand doctrinal purity and proper dress and conduct. Like a prophet, they call people to task for their inconsistencies. If they are not wise, they can be real jerks who push their agendas, forcing others to go their way.

Visionaries are often gifted men or inventors, and I am sure it was men of this caliber that conquered the Wild West, though they would not have been the farmers who settled it. Today, Visionary men are street preachers, political activists, organizers and instigators of any front-line social issue. They love confrontation, and hate the status quo. “Why leave it the way it is when you can change it?” They are the men who keep the rest of the world from getting stagnant or dull. The Visionary is consumed with a need to communicate with his words, music, writing, voice, art, or actions. He is the “voice crying out in the wilderness” striving to change the way humanity is behaving or thinking. Good intentions don’t always keep Visionaries from causing great harm. They can stir up pudding and end up with toxic waste if they are not wise. An unwise wife can add to the poison with negative words, or she can, with simple words of caution, bring attention to the goodness of the pudding and the wisdom in leaving it alone. Every Mr.Visionary needs a good, wise, prudent, stable wife who has a positive outlook on life.

The wife of Mr.Visionary should be just a little bit reckless and blind in one eye if she is going to enjoy the ride. If this is your man, you need to learn two very important things (beyond how to make an appeal). Learn how to be flexible, and learn how to always be loyal to your man. You will be amazed at how much happier you will be and how much fun life can be if you learn to just go with the flow — his flow. Life will become an adventure. You will actually begin to feel sorry for the gals married to the stick-in-the-mud, steady type. And once you get it into your head that your husband does not have to be “right” for you to follow him, you will FINALLY be able to say “bye bye” to your overwrought parents, even when they are screaming that you are married to a crazy man. People looking on will marvel that you are able to love and appreciate your husband, but you will know better because you will see his greatness.

Greatness is a state of soul, not certain accomplishments. Over time, this type of man will become more practical. If you are a young wife married to a man whom your mama thinks is totally crazy — then you may be married to Mr. Visionary. Right now, purpose in your heart to be loyal to him, and to be flexible; then, let your dreamer dream. Lean back and enjoy the ride; it should prove interesting. Visionary Man will talk and talk and talk to his honey if she approves of him. He will be subjective, thinking about feelings, moods, and spiritual insights. One of his greatest needs will be for his wife to think objectively (proven truth) and use common sense, which will help keep his feet from flying too far from solid ground. He spends his life looking through a telescope or microscope, and he will be stunned that what he sees (or thinks he sees), others do not seem to notice or care about.

In Dominica the book can be purchased at the CLC bookstore in Roseau. For all others you can use this link:

Created to Be His Help Meet: Discover How God Can Make Your Marriage Glorious By Debi Pearl / No Greater Joy Ministries

Loving Your Husband: Titus 2:3-5 - Part 1

Laine's Letter

Dear Homemakers of God,
"Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the Word of God." Titus 2:3-5

So nice to be with you all again in this beautiful, beautiful verse. We've been talking about loving our husbands. The past two days I touched on physical love. Today I'd like to talk about loving our husband in our home. Our home is our haven. No one can make a home "a home" like a woman can. She is the heart of the home as Psalms 128:3 says:

"Your wife shall be like the fruitful vine in the very heart of your house; your children like olive plants all around your table." This is the blessing of everyone who fears the LORD and walks in His ways. (128:1)

The wife is in the very heart of the house. Her heart beats for her home. No one can replace this woman, because no one knows that man of hers like she does or those children that she is working with day in and day out. She is the fragrant oil that keeps everyone and everything running smoothly. Therefore when her husband is away from the home working, she is his representative. She is one with him and represents his authority throughout the day. She is the manager of his children and his home bearing much fruit (through her LORD's strength) which he realizes when he sits at his table every night. This is God's blessing on him.

My husband grew up in a household rife with gambling, drinking, drugs, and ugly language. Most nights he stayed outside to escape from his father's anger stealing into a bed made on the floor of the living room from the couch cushions. (He never had his own bedroom.) He doesn't like to talk about his childhood, but the LORD reminds me of it often. So when God gave this man to me, I decided I would do my best to make his life with me the opposite of his childhood.

I have tried to make our bedroom the most attractive room in the house. We have always lived on a budget, but I have enjoyed fixing up our bedroom as attractive as possible from garage sales, swap meets, or thrift shops. Our bedroom is the only room in our house decorated Victorian as I find that to be so peaceful and slightly elegant. I have stenciled the top of the room with dark greens, rose, and gold designs as this is the design in our antique carpet covering the floor. Our queen size bed has a rose covered feather blanket with the finest sheets (220 thread count and up) that money can buy at the thrift shop! A pink and white dust ruffle runs around the bottom of the bed with the matching covers on the pillows and an old baby's quilt laying in the middle. A very beautiful old rose quilt (bought at swap meet for 50 cents) is on the wall behind the bed. To the left of the room is a white wicker couch and a white wicker chair covered with old pink and white blankets. (Both of these were bought at a garage sale for $10.)

An old mannequin once used for sewing now stands in the corner by my husband's dresser with an antique dress from the 40's on it and my wedding hat on top. By my dresser is a rose antique vanity table adorned with an antique bridal veil on the mirror and matching chair. On it I have all kinds of feminine things including a gold hat stand with an old pink hat. Nearby is a small tea table set up with all kinds of tea things for evening tea. My window is covered in old pieces of lace picked up here and there and fashioned together into a soft window frame. Near the window is a very old box that hangs on the wall and houses a miniature dress shop above an old general store with all the little parts that go to it. ( I bought this at a thrift shop for $15. My children love to look at it and move things around.) And lots of old hats, gloves, hat boxes, and the like add to the flavor of the room.

When my husband and I go to our room at night, it is to the most peaceful room in the house. It is like going to a mini retreat. We often have soft music playing with soft lighting from the old lamps that light up the room. There are lots of fluffy pillows to sit up and read by with a basket of books next to each side of the bed. Many people need to get away from their kids to a hotel. We only need to go to our bedroom.

My daughter "sighs contentedly" when she comes into our room. She wants her room to look like ours, so I have been working to make her room a special retreat. (I wrote about it recently in the Titus 2 digest.) I understand her feminine heart that will one day make her home a haven for her husband and children. For as Shakespeare once said, "For where is any author in the world teaches such beauty as the woman's eye?"

As women we have the pleasure of making our homes special havens for those who live with us. I have worked very hard as my home was so disorganized for years and my excuse was, "I am just not creative." This was a sentence that preceded a lot of time being wasted and squashing my teachability in the process. I now feel such joy in making my home as peaceful as possible for my husband, especially in our bedroom. I have not finished learning how to do that, rather I delight in everything the LORD teaches me as He is The Creator and I am His Student. I must never say I am not creative for I was created by The Creator and can learn so much from following Him.

So nice chatting with you again.

Love,
Laine

www.lainesletters.com

A Daily, Intimate Quiet Time With God

Laine's Letter

Dear Sisters,
Hi! I hope you are all doing well. I've been up early in The Word. What a way to start a day. I love, love, love The Word of God! I don't think I could express to you how much I love the Word of God. It is my constant prayer that I will never be without it. Nor praise music to my King. No wonder King David, the man after God's own heart, had such a heart for worship to our LORD. The Word and Worship are my soul's cry.

"Cease listening to instruction, my son, and you will stray from the Words of Knowledge." Proverbs 19:27

Every night when I go to bed, I long to get there. To really listen to the Words of Knowledge. My heart's desire is to get alone with my King. For me, this is the very early morning. It's just about the only time of the day that I am alone. But I'm not alone! He is with me. Each day is built on that sweet time alone with Him. It's been that way for over nine years now. And His Word just keeps getting sweeter and more precious to me. My Bible is so marked up by the time I am through reading it from cover to cover that I have to get a new one. You see, I just can't stop underlining, taking notes, and cross referencing. Jesus is the Teacher, and I am His faithful student. Just as He used to teach early mornings in the temple, so He teaches me early mornings in the temple. It's a rich, rich foundation for each day.

I would have never believed He could get me there every early morning these past nine years, but He's The Miracle Worker in my life. Through personal sickness, through nursing late into the night, through family struggles, through personal pain, through sick children, through women's retreats, through traveling, and through much more than I can think of right now, He's got me there. You see, He is my strength. He is my life. He is my everything. And I don't want to live a day without listening to Him and talking to Him first. That's why the last nine years of my life have been, without a doubt, the richest of my Christian life.

"As newborn babes desire the sincere milk of The Word, that you may grow thereby." 1 Peter 2:2

None of this matters unless Jesus is filling it all. And that is what I beg Him each morning. To fill it all. Oh, how I want to glorify Him. He is The Master of my Moments, and I am so in love with Him.

"Whom having not seen, you love; in Whom, though now you see Him not, yet believing, you rejoice with joy unspeakable and full of glory." 1 Peter 1:8

"I will run the course of Your commandments, for You shall enlarge my heart." Psalm 119:32

I've been a Christian for a long time. About thirty years, to be exact. But I was a complacent Christian. For years and years, I was a complacent Christian. Oh, He should have spewed me out of His Mouth, as Revelation reveals. But, thankfully, He brought me painfully to the end of myself and the incredible beginning of Him. I am truly His "Sinderella". He is my Prince of Peace. It's been a seeking and clinging to Him ever since. And I've never known love like this before.

His Love.

His Love working through me.

His Incredible Love!

The LORD can do above and beyond what we ask or even think. So I ask and I seek with all my heart. "For without faith it is impossible to please Him", and "those who come to God must believe that He is, and that He is a Rewarder of those who diligently seek Him," as taught in Romans.

~Have your ever asked Him to reveal Himself to you as He is, and not as you think Him to be?

~ Have you ever asked Him to help you love Him with everything you've got, and then even more beyond that?

~ Have you ever asked Him to help you kiss His Feet with your life that you might be the sweetest incense rising up to His Throne of Grace?

~Have you ever asked Him to let you lean against His Breast and breathe Him in?

~ Have you ever asked Him to fill you to the height and breadth and width with His love?

~ Have you ever asked Him to let you know His Word better than you know your own thoughts?

~ Have you ever asked Him to let the mind that was in Christ Jesus be in your mind?

~ Have you ever asked Him to be in you the wife that He created you to be?

~ Have you ever asked Him to be in you the mother that He created you to be?

~Have you ever asked Him to be in you the servant that He was?

~ Have you ever asked Him to help you not miss out on one precious part of His will for your life that He personally planned for you before the world began?

~ Have you ever asked Him that He might reveal to you what you're doing wrong and help you to do what is right?

~Have you ever asked Him to tame your tongue and train your hands?

~ Have you ever asked Him to be the Master of all your Moments?

You see, we were created for an intimate relationship with Jesus Christ, our LORD and Bridegroom. We are His precious Bride.

"...those who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God." Romans 8:14

"...those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires."

"...the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace." Romans 8

We get to know one another through listening and talking. We get to know our Savior through listening to Him speak and in conversing with Him. The Word and Prayer. Our daily conversation with God. Our falling in love with our King as He pours out His intimate love to us. Song of Solomon every day. The Holy Spirit's work in our lives. It results in praise and worship as we work for His Name.

I can't miss one day!

Oh, may I be a doer of The Word, and not a hearer only, deceiving my ownself. For surely this verse is so true:

"He who received seed on the good ground is he who hears The Word and understands it, who indeed bears fruit and produces, some a hundredfold, some sixty, some thirty."

~Have you ever asked Him to help you hear His Word every day and understand it?"

~ Have you ever asked Him to bear fruit and produce a hundredfold or more through you?"

~Have you ever asked Him to hear His still, small Voice speaking to your heart?

~ Have you ever asked Him to open your eyes that you might behold wondrous things from His Law?

~Have you ever asked Him to help you wake up to soak up His Living Word?

~ Have you ever asked Him to let you be His slave for righteousness sake that He might be glorified beyond measure in your life?

~Have you ever asked Him to let you peacefully serve in His Spirit at His Pace for His Praise, no matter how unpraiseworthy the job might be to those around you?

~Have you ever asked Him to help you walk in The Truth, and only The Truth, so helped are you by God?

~ Have you ever asked Him for no fear, only faith; no guilt, only grace; no pride, only praise; no claim, only Christ?

Oh, you've just got to ask Him! We have not, because we ask not. And then we ask with the wrong motives. "Ask that your joy may be full." With the right motives... for His total glory.

~ Have you ever asked Him that you might be His sweetest joy?

~Have you ever asked Him that He might be your sweetest joy?

~Have you ever asked Him that you might never forget His cross and to stay flat before it; standing on the outside, but flat before Him on the inside?

~Have you ever asked Him to help you thank Him for the cross every eternal day of your life?

Have you ever asked Him?

Oh, have you ever asked Him?

"I will utter things kept secret from the foundation of the world." Psalm 78:2b

"...let us keep in step with The Spirit. " Galations 5:26

Listening, Learning, Loving, Asking, Thanking, Praising, Kissing, Bowing, Doing:

The Precious, Precious Living Word of God.

It's there for the asking.

Love,
Laine

www.lainesletters.com