Friday, December 26, 2008

Pleasing Your Husband: Part 2

Laine's Letter

Dear Ronda,
So excited to hear about your opportunity to teach young marrieds! I have always thought what you wrote; wouldn't it be wonderful to learn from a woman who has been married a while! May you have opportunities to share with many teachable women.

Yes, my cramps are due to my menstrual cycle, and I have them quite frequently during the month. But don't worry, I like to sit and work. And writing to you never feels like work for me. Just sharing from one homemaker to another homemaker. Such sweet pleasure...

In my last letter, I spoke about pleasing your husband. I mostly spoke about food. However, I have found something that pleases my husband more than that...and that something is sex. I am sure you are smiling now. As I have found with most husbands, this is definitely the case.

However, as women have children, the desire for sex seems to wane and can become more of a chore than a pleasure. The common complaint is most women are tired. Within reason! We put in a very full day. The frustrating part is we can't really remember what we did at the end of the day to make us feel so tired! I have found that raising children all day can drain a mother faster than any other job. In order for a woman to experience the pleasure of sex with her husband as God intended (just read Song of Solomon), the woman needs to take care of herself during the day.

How does a young mother with toddlers all around her feet, or home schooled children home all day, do this? That is why I implemented "quiet time" in my home when my children were very young. This was something I taught them to do so that I could get some much needed rest. Often after napping when they napped (this is when they were very young), I felt rejuvenated by the time my husband came home. I also implemented "tea time" toward the end of their quiet time Sitting by myself and having a cup of tea (in a pretty tea cup and saucer with my porcelain tea pot) refreshed me for my husband's arrival and the second part of my day.

After I have served dinner, my husband and I have usually had time alone in the tub. (I know I'm getting private here. But some women just don't know how to squeeze time in their day for intimacy with their husband. And a woman works on emotions and must feel emotionally close to her husband through conversation to get to the sexual part.) Now that our kids are older, we take a bath while they do the dishes. Yes, they still knock on the door and bother us. But they are used to this and can usually keep themselves busy for a little while. (When we had a baby, we would go in when the baby was asleep or take the baby in with us. Each of our children bathed with us when they were infants.) If someone calls, my children know not to say that we are in the tub! This happened once. They tell them we are busy and will call back later. We really relax and unwind together talking and laughing. This has become such a sweet ritual that my husband and I bought an antique claw foot tub at a garage sale to refinish and remodel our bathroom with. We keep talking about how great it will be once we have the money to start the remodeling as the tub is so deep. The Japanese people realize how important a good long hot soak is in the tub and have furnished their bathrooms for this pleasure.

Now by this time I have had my tea and now a good, long, soak in the tub and quiet conversation with my husband. It sets the tone for the evening. Our bedroom is furnished in such a way that it symbolizes romance when you walk in the door. I find it to be one of the most calming rooms in my home. We have a ceiling fan for those hot, summer California nights. And we have plenty of those nights. I have a lot of sweet smelling lotions as I have a difficult back, so my husband will often give me a back rub or a leg rub with one of these lotions. Again, we talk a lot about our day and our kids while soft music plays. Our lighting is very soft as well. Many times our kids are in our room while we are talking. They like to rub lotion on themselves or on my legs. I usually wear soft cotton pyjamas that are a pair of shorts combined with a cropped short sleeved top. I always go for the softest ones I can find. I can wear these around the kids without feeling uncomfortable. Our bedroom is the gathering place in the evening. We all read together in there in the winter months. And in the summer months we all jump in the pool to cool off before we go to bed.

I have learned that in our society, it is very difficult for a man to keep his eyes pure. I pray often for my husband that God will keep his eyes pure and help him to resist temptation. I pray as I make my bed that our marriage will be kept pure and held in honor. It is important that I recognize these dangers and help keep him pure. I must recognize what God says: that his body is mine and my body is his. Very often he needs my body more than I need his! We joke about this and recognize it as truth. But I want him to be all that God wants him to be as a husband, father, employee, friend, and son. A married man's bedroom is the heart of the home for him. The kitchen is the heart of the home for the married woman. I tell Art that love starts in the kitchen. He meets me in the kitchen talking and laughing; so I do my best to meet him in our bedroom. I have been sick frequently lately, but because he knows I want to be there for him and can't sometimes, he is very understanding. Had I not tried to be there for him, I do not know that he would have been as understanding.

Sometimes even with the best laid plans, I simply do not feel like it! As you might have guessed, he never has this problem. :) So, that is when I call on the LORD for His help. He gave us sex; He knows how it works perfectly; and I trust Him to help me meet my husband's needs and to enjoy it myself. Even when I'm beat. He is always faithful. Very often that is just what we need to get a really good night's sleep. Billy Graham said on a television interview once that "Sex was better because he loved the LORD Jesus." Then he felt bad that he had said that and hoped he wasn't out of line. He was absolutely right! Sex is better when you love Jesus Christ and enjoy it with your husband according to His Word. Some of the best lines to learn about it are penned in the Song of Solomon. As always, God had a wonderful master plan when He created sex for the pleasure of a husband and wife. I have learned to lean into that plan...


P.S. Kind of nervous mailing this one, Ronda, but this is the big problem in marriages with finances following soon after.

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