Marriage Tip: Know Your Family History

Your tip of the week:  

Many situations come up in marriages that stem from you or your husband's past.  It may be the style of parenting that was used by either of your parents.  It may be the absence of one or both parents physically, emotionally or otherwise. It is important to know about each other's past in order to better understand each other and give grace to each other in times of misunderstanding.

Read more about Knowing Your Family History at the Marriage Alive! website.

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The Generous Wife tip - Sensual Play

Wonderful tip.

When you are in the shower or bath, call out to your husband for help.  You can ask for something as simple as a little washing of your back or use it as an excuse to invite him to join you.  The idea is to involve your husband in a bit of sensual play, whatever your comfort zone and your bathroom set up will allow (please do be careful as soapy water can be quite slippery).

     Drink and imbibe deeply, O lovers.  Song of Songs 5:1b  NAS


Think generous!  Lori <><


Copyright © 2001-2009 Lori J. Byerly
All Rights Reserved
http://www.the-generous-wife.com

The Generous Wife tip - Sharing is Caring

There is a Sunday School rhyme that goes - Sharing is caring. Apply this to your marriages today.

Share what you have.  Eating a handful of peanuts?  Offer him a couple.  Watching a TV show?  Move over and offer him a spot.  Reading the comics?  Read the funniest ones out loud and share the humor.

     Courtesies of a small and trivial character are the ones which strike deepest in the grateful and appreciating heart. Henry Clay


Think generous!  Lori <><


Copyright © 2001-2009 Lori J. Byerly
All Rights Reserved
http://www.the-generous-wife.com

The Generous Wife tip - Be on the same page financially

Lori shares about finances today and how important it is for couples to be on the same page. Read on...


My husband and I attended a banquet for With This Ring.  I mention it because 1) I respect their ministry and 2) because I think it's important for husband and wife to be on the same page when it comes to finances and giving.
     I realize that there is not likely to be total agreement on everything financial between husband and wife, but with prayer and at least some gracious compromise it can be navigated.  If you have difficulty in this particular area, then I encourage you get educated (most bookstores have scads of books about family finances - Total Money Makeover is not a bad place to start) and begin to pray for wisdom and direction in this area.

     Don't tell me where your priorities are.  Show me where you spend your money and I'll tell you what they are.  James Frick


Think generous!  Lori <><


Copyright © 2001-2009 Lori J. Byerly
All Rights Reserved
http://www.the-generous-wife.com

The Generous Wife tip - Help in the healing process

Lori shares a personal experience she had while out with her husband and gives a few lessons from it. Read on to hear what Lori says to us today...

When my husband and I were grabbing a bite today (errand day), we happened to see the aftermath of a fender bender.  Now I am a people watcher (and a good number of tips come from real life), so this was a sad and educational moment for me.
     Apparently a gentleman had very lightly bumped a lady's car as they were waiting to make a right turn, so lightly bumped that there wasn't a mark to be seen on anyone's car.  The next half hour, I watched the woman rant and rave at the man (who had made the mistake of being blunt with her) and several people on her phone, harass a couple of policemen (who couldn't find a scratch on her bumper either), and generally irritate everyone (including those of us having a meal in the restaurant who could see and hear her ... tantrum (honestly, just no other word for it)).
     As my husband and I discussed everyone's behavior, we basically talked about how to deal with wounded people and how to take the heat out of difficult situations where there is little you can really do to help someone.  The woman in the fender bender obviously felt violated by the event, but it was such a minor slight, and an accident at that, that you have to deduce that her anger was really about her stuff that got set off by the incident.  Theoretically it might have helped if someone could have connected with her, listened to her and tried to validate her feelings.
     So I observed two things today that I am passing on to you as tips.  Please own your own wounds and get help when you need it (if you are often hurt and/or angry, that's a red flag).  When your spouse is acting out of their wounds (and things may clearly have nothing to do with you or anything you've done), stay calm, stay kind and listen.  When people are in pain they will act out.  Sometimes a listening ear (and certainly a kind voice) can begin to take the heat out of a difficult situation and may actually begin the healing process.

     It is better to listen in order to understand than to listen in order to reply.  Author Unknown


Think generous!  Lori <><


Copyright © 2001-2009 Lori J. Byerly
All Rights Reserved
http://www.the-generous-wife.com

The Generous Wife tip - Don't Play the Blame Game

Don't play the blame game.  Be kind when your husband's choices cost you through no fault of his own.  Sometimes life just happens.  (Of course, it's good to be understanding and kind when he messes up too.)
   
     Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain but it takes character and self control to be understanding and forgiving.  Dale Carnegie


Think generous!  Lori <><


Copyright © 2001-2008 Lori J. Byerly
All Rights Reserved
http://www.the-generous-wife.com

The Generous Wife tip - Share laughter

Laughter is so healing.  What ways can you bring humor into your marriage?  Perhaps rent a comedy to share (with popcorn and a bit of snuggling).  Get a good book of jokes and share a few with your husband or read the comics together.  Look for the humorous and share it with your husband.  (My husband often forwards funny pictures and jokes to me.  I still have a valentine on my computer that he sent (Sheen as UltraLord, Jimmy Newtron rocks).)  :)

     A merry heart does good, like medicine ...  Proverbs 17:22a  NKJV


Think generous!  Lori <><


Copyright © 2001-2009 Lori J. Byerly
All Rights Reserved
http://www.the-generous-wife.com

The Generous Wife tip - Pray for his enemies

Pray for those who are your husband's "enemies," the one's who don't get along with him, the ones that are jealous of him, and the one's that are just down right angry at him (for real or imagined reasons).  It's not easy, but we are commanded to love our enemies and pray for them.  You will be sowing peace into a difficult situation.

     But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you.   Matthew 5:44  NKJV


Think generous!  Lori <><


Copyright © 2001-2009 Lori J. Byerly
All Rights Reserved
http://www.the-generous-wife.com

The Generous Wife tip - Make room for his clothes

Do a little cleaning up in your bedroom closet so that there is enough room for your husband's clothes and stuff as well (I swear closets are the worst, things multiply when the doors are shut, I tell you).  You might need to pack away off season clothes or get an organizer or two.

     Kindness is the oil that takes the friction out of life.  Author Unknown


Think generous!  Lori <><


Copyright © 2001-2009 Lori J. Byerly
All Rights Reserved
http://www.the-generous-wife.com

The Generous Wife tip - Let Him Know

Our husbands need to know that we desire them.  So let your husband know.  Meet him at the door and give him a kiss he won't forget or sit on his lap for awhile and don't turn him loose too soon.

    ... when I found him who my soul loves; I held on to him and would not let him go ... Song of Songs 3:4  NAS


Think generous!  Lori <><


Copyright © 2001-2009 Lori J. Byerly
All Rights Reserved
http://www.the-generous-wife.com

The Generous Wife tip- Take turns reading

Take turns reading things that you find interesting to each other.  It might be a favorite scripture or quote.  Perhaps share a passage from a favorite novel or a bit from a news article.  Share why it is special or of interest to you and share your thoughts about it.  (Paul and I sometimes do this with movie dates as well.  We share what part of the movie stood out to us and about anything that seemed profound or had truth in it.)

     The greatest good you can do for another is not just to share your riches, but to reveal to him his own. Benjamin Disraeli 


Think generous!  Lori <><


Copyright © 2001-2008 Lori J. Byerly
All Rights Reserved
http://www.the-generous-wife.com

The Generous Wife tip - The Bed

Make your bed a place of touching, talking, snuggling and making love.  Try to keep all disagreements and tough discussions in another room or at least off the bed (perhaps on a loveseat in the bedroom?).  Let your marriage bed be a place of blessing and intimacy.

     ... I will give you my love.  Song of Songs 7:12b  NAS

Think generous!  Lori <><


Copyright © 2001-2009 Lori J. Byerly
All Rights Reserved
http://www.the-generous-wife.com

The Generous Wife tip - Notice His Integrity

Having integrity can be quite challenging some days.  There are plenty of opportunities to cut corners, tell white lies, etc.
     When your husband has said or done something that shows integrity, be sure to compliment him on his choice to do the right thing.  It's encouraging to know that someone noticed and it's nice to be appreciated for making those hard choices.

     The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy. Martin Luther King, Jr.

   
Think generous!  Lori <><


Copyright © 2001-2009 Lori J. Byerly
All Rights Reserved
http://www.the-generous-wife.com

The Generous Wife tip - His Favorite Kiss

Ask your husband, "What is your favorite kind of kiss?"  (Then be sure to demonstrate and ask him if you did it just right.)   ;)

     Your lips, my bride, drip honey; honey and milk are under your tongue ...  Song of Songs 4:11b  NAS 


Think generous!  Lori <><


Copyright © 2001-2009 Lori J. Byerly
All Rights Reserved
http://www.the-generous-wife.com

The Generous Wife tip - Pray for others

Let's spend a little time today praying for those who have not heard the gospel and for those who are in any kind of lack.  That might be the neighbor who just lost her husband, or your friend who got laid off at work.  It might mean praying for a ministry or for an outreach at your church.  Just begin to lay before the Father those who are in need.

     God tells us to burden him with whatever burdens us.  Author Unknown


Think generous!  Lori <><


Copyright © 2001-2008 Lori J. Byerly
All Rights Reserved
http://www.the-generous-wife.com

    

The Generous Wife tip - Unexpected Nudity

Unexpected nudity tends to be a turn on to most men.  Use that to bless your husband.  Call him into the bedroom to help with a project (how did you manage to lose your blouse?) or give him a (not so?) quick glimpse of what you are not wearing under your skirt.

     My love is mine and I am his ...  Song of Songs 2:16a  NIV


Think generous!  Lori <><


Copyright © 2001-2009 Lori J. Byerly
All Rights Reserved
http://www.the-generous-wife.com

The Generous Wife tip - Movies

I encourage y'all to rent a couple of good movies and just make an evening of it (with or without the presence of others).  Fireproof is a good one, but anything fun will do.  Pop up some popcorn, snuggle and hold hands on the couch, and enjoy.


Think generous!  Lori <><


Copyright © 2001-2009 Lori J. Byerly
All Rights Reserved
http://www.the-generous-wife.com

    

The Generous Wife tip - Give Him the Benefit of the Doubt

Give your husband the benefit of the doubt when there are misunderstandings.  None of us are perfect when it comes to communication and mistakes will happen.  Handle them with grace and kindness.

     ... put on a heart of ... kindness ...  Colossians 3:12  NAS


Think generous!  Lori <><


Copyright © 2001-2009 Lori J. Byerly
All Rights Reserved
http://www.the-generous-wife.com

The Generous Wife tip - Let Him Pick

The next time you are in a clothing store with your husband, take his hand and pull him into the undies section.  Let him pick out something that he would like to see you wear.

     The curves of your hips are like jewels, the work of the hands of an artist.  Song of Songs 7:1  NAS


     Think generous!  Lori <><


Copyright © 2001-2009 Lori J. Byerly
All Rights Reserved
http://www.the-generous-wife.com

The Generous Wife tip - Bless Him with What He Wants

Lori shares with us today about her husband's birthday. Read on...

Today is my husband's birthday. :) When I thought about celebrating it, I reminded myself to do things that will really bless him (instead of doing things the way I think they should be done). So ... we're having spice cake with blue peppermint frosting (some weird thing that got started when he was a kid and apparently it's not a real birthday without this weird concoction). Gifts are minimal, but fun with friends and family are a must. We'll also find time to eat at this really great seafood restaurant (where they make you wear a fish hat when it's your birthday, I kid you not). LOL
All this silly sharing to say, when your husband has special days, let the celebration be about what he wants. You want to bless him, right?

Tolerance and celebration of individual differences is the fire that fuels lasting love. Tom Hannah


Think generous! Lori <><


Copyright © 2001-2009 Lori J. Byerly
All Rights Reserved
http://www.the-generous-wife.com